LEARN ENGLISH , MUNIBA MAZARI - We all are Perfectly Imperfect
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| LEARN ENGLISH | MUNIBA MAZARI - We all are Perfectly Imperfect |
LEARN ENGLISH | MUNIBA MAZARI - We all are Perfectly Imperfect- 2020
Thank
you so much for all the love, for allthe warm. Thank you all for accepting me.
Thank you very much. Well, I always start my talk with some disclaimer. And
that disclaimer is that I never claimedto be a motivational speaker. Yes, I do
speak. But I feel like a storyteller. Because where ever I go I share a story
with everyone.
I believe in the power of words. Many people speak before they
think. But I know the value of words. Words can make you, break you, they can
healyour soul, they can damage you forever. So, I always try to use positive
words inmy life. Wherever I go, they call it adversity, I callit opportunity.
They call it a weakness, I call it strength. They call me to disable, I call
myself differentlyable. They see my disability. They see my disability. I see
my ability. There are some incidents that happened inyour life. And those
incidents are so strong that theychange your DNA. Those incidents and accidents
are so strongthat they break you physically. They deform your body but they
transform yoursoul. Those incidents break you, deform you butthey mold you into
the best version of you.
And the same thing happened to me. And I am going to
share what exactly happenedto me. I was 18 years old when I got married. I
belong to a very conservative family, aBaloch family. My father wanted me to
get married and allI said was if that makes you happy, I will say ‘YES’. and of
course, it was nevera happy marriage. Just about after 2 years of getting
married,about 9 years ago, I met a car accident. Somehow my husband fell asleep
and the carfell into the ditch. He managed to jump out, saved himself. I am
happy for him. But I stayed inside the car and I sustaina lot of injuries. My
right arm was fractured, whist was fractured,shoulder bone and collarbone was
fractured. And because of the rib cage injury, lungsand liver were badly
injured. I couldn’t breathe. I lost urine control. That’s why I have to wear
the bag whereever I go.
But that injuries changed me and my life completely. As
a person, my perception towards livingmy life was the spine injury. My backbone
was completely crushed. And I got paralyzed for the rest of my life. So this
accident took place in a far-flungarea of Balochistan where there was no first
aid, no hospital, no ambulance. I was in the middle of nowhere. Many people
came to rescue. They drag me out of the car. While they were dragging me out I
got thecomplete transaction of my spinal cord. And now there was this debate
going on, shouldwe keep it here, she is going to die, or where should we go.
There was no ambulance. The was one four wheeler jeep standing inthe corner of
the street. They said, put her in the back of the jeepand take her to the hospital
which is 3 hours away from this place. And I still remember that bumpy ride. I
was all broken. They threw me in the back of the jeep andthey rushed me to the
hospital. That is where I realized that my half bodywas paralyzed and half body
was fractured. I finally ended up in a hospital where I stayedfor two and a
half months.
I underwent multiple surgeries. Doctors have put a lot of titanium
in my armsand there was a lot of titanium on my back to fix my back. That’s
why, In Pakistan, people called methe ‘Iron Lady’ of Pakistan. Sometimes I
wonder how easy it is for me todescribe all this all over again. And somebody
has rightly said that when youshare your story and it doesn’t make you cry,
that means you are healing. Those two and a half months, in the hospital,were
droughtful. I will not make a story just to inspire you. I was on the verge of
dis-pare. One day the doctor came to me, and he said,well I heard that you want
to be an artist, but you ended up being a housewife. I have bad news for you.
You won’t be able to paint again becauseyour wrist and arm are so deformed. You
won’t be able to hold the pen again. And I stayed quiet. Next day, the doctor
came to me and said,your spine injury is so bad you won’t be able to walk
again. I took a deep breath. And I said it’s alright. Again, Next day the
doctor came and said,because of your spine injury and your fixation that you
have in your back, you won’t beable to give birth to a child again. That day, I
was devastated. I still remember, I ask my mother, why me,and that is where I
started to question my existence. Why am I even alive? What’s the point of
living? I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t paint, fine. I cannot be a mother and we
have this thingin our head being women that we are incomplete without. Having
children, I am going to be an incompletewoman for the rest of my life. What’s
the point? People are scared that they think I will getdivorced. What is going
to happen to me? Why me? Why Am I alive?
We all try to chase this tunnel. We
all do this. Because we see lights at the end of the tunnelwhich keeps us
going. My dear friends, in my situation, there wasa tunnel that I had to roll
on but there was no light. And that is where I realized the words havethe power
to heal the soul. My mother said to me that this two sell-pass. God has a
greater plan for you. I don’t know what it is. But he surely has. And all in
that distress and grief, mom’sthose words were so magical that they kept me
going. I was trying to put my smile on my face allthe time hiding the pain. It
was so hard to hide the pain which wasthere. But all I knew was that I will
give up, mymother and brother will give up too. I cannot see them crying with
me. So what kept me going was one day I askedmy brother, I know, I have a
deformed hand but I am tired of looking at these white wallsin the hospital and
wearing this white scraps. I am getting tired of this. I want to add more
colors to my life. I want to do something. Bring me some colors, I want to
paint. so the very first painting I made was on mydeathbed. It was not just an
art piece or not just mypassion. It was my therapy. What an amazing therapy it
was. without saying a single word, I could paintmy heart out. I could share my
story. People used to come and say, ‘wow, whata lovely painting’. so much color,
nobody sees the grief in it. Only I could. So that’s how I spend my two and a
halfmonths in the hospital. Lying, never complaining or whining but painting.
And then I was discharged. And I went back home. and I realized that I have
developed a lotof pressure ulcers on my back, on my hipbone. I was unable to
sit. There were a lot of infections all over mybody, a lot of allergies. So
Doctor wanted me to lie down on the bedstraight. For not six months, for not 1
year, but fortwo years I was bedridden confined in that one room looking
outside the window listeningto the birds chirping and thinking there will be a
time when we will be going out with thefamily and enjoying the nature. That was
the time, where I realized how luckypeople are but they don’t realize. That is
the time where I realized, the dayI going to sit, I am going to share this pain
to make them realize how blessed they areand they even don’t consider them
lucky.
There are always turning points in your life. There was a rebirthday
that I celebrated. After two years and two and a half monthswhen I was able to
sit in a wheelchair. That was the day where I had the rebirth. I was a
completely different person. I still remember the day I sat on the
wheelchairfirst time knowing that I am never going to live this, knowing that I
am never going towalk for the rest of my life. I saw myself in the mirror. and
I talked tomy self. And I still remember what I said. I cannot wait for a
miracle to come and makeme walk. I cannot sit in the corner of the room crying,cripping
and begging mercy because nobody has time. So, I have to accept my self, the
way I am,the sooner the better. So, I applied the lip color for the firsttime.
And I erased it. and I cried and I said whatam I doing. A person on a
wheelchair should not do this. What will people say? Clean it up. Put it back
again. This time I put it to myself. Because I want to feel perfect from
within. And that day I decided I am going to a lifeof myself. I am not going to
be that perfect person forsomeone. I am just going to take this moment and
Iwill make it perfect for myself. And do you know, how we all begin? That day I
decided, I am going to fight myfears. We all have fears. Fear of the unknown,
fear of known. Fear of losing people. Fear of losing health, money. We want to
excel in a career. We want to become famous. We want to get money. We are
scared all the time. so I wrote down one by one, all those fears. And I decided
I am going to overcome thosefears one at a time. You know what was my biggest
fear. Divorce. I couldn’t stand this word. I was trying to cling on this person
who didn’twant me anymore. But I said no, I have to make it work.
But the day I
decided that this is nothingbut my fear. I liberated myself by setting him
free. And I made myself emotionally so strong thatthe day I got news that he is
getting married, I sent him a text and said, ‘I am so happyfor you’ and wanna
wish you all the best. And he knows that I pray for him today. My biggest fear
number two was I won’t beable to be a mother again and that was quite
devastating for me. But then I realize, there are so many childrenin the world,
all they want is the acceptance. So there is no point of crying, just go
andadopt one. That’s what I did. I gave my name to different
organizations,different orphanages. I didn’t mention, I am on the
wheelchair,dying to have a child. so I told then this is Muniba Mazari and
shewants to adopt, boy-girl what so ever. But I want to adopt and I waited
patiently. Two years later, I got this call from a verysmall city in Pakistan.
They said, ‘Are you Muniba Mazari’. There is a baby boy. Would you like to
adopt? And When I said ‘Yes’, I could literallyfeel the labor pain. Yes Yes, I
am going to adopt him. I am coming to take him home. And when I reached there,
the man was sittingthere and he was looking at me from head to toe. Don’t judge
me, I am in a wheelchair. You know what he said, ‘I know you willbe the best
mother of this child. You both will be lucky to have each other’. And that day,
he was two days old and todayhe is six. You will be surprised to know the
bigger fearthat I had in me. It was facing people. I used to hide from people.
When I was in bed for two years and I usedto keep the doors closed. I used to
pretend that I am not going to meetanyone. Tell them I am sleeping. You know
why? Because I couldn’t stand that sympathy thatthey had for me. They used to
treat me like a patient. When I used to smile, look at me and said,‘You are
smiling, are you OK’. I was tired of this question being asked. Are you sick?
Well, a lady at the airport asked me, ‘Areyou sick’. And I said, well, besides
this spinal cordinjury, I am fine. I guess. Those were really cute questions.
They never used to feel cute when I was onthe bed. so I used to hide from
people knowing thatOh my god I am not going to see that sympathy on their eyes.
It’s all right. Today, I am here speaking to all these amazingpeople. Because I
have overcome the fear. You know when you ended up being in the
wheelchair,what’s the most painful thing? That’s another fear. People on the
wheelchair, who are differentlyable to have their hearts but they never share.
I will share that with you. The lack of acceptance. People think that they will
not be acceptedby the people because we and the world of perfect people are
imperfects. So, I decided instead of starting an INGO,NGO for disabilities
awareness which I know will not help anyone, I started to appearmore in public.
I started to paint. I always wanted to. I have a lot of exhibitions for
Pakistan,I have done a lot of modeling campaign, different campaign for brands
like tony and guy. I have done some really funny breaking thebarriers kinds of
modelings. There was this one by the name clown townwhere I became a clown
because I know that clowns have a heart too. So, when you accept yourself, the
way youare, the world recognizes you. It all starts from within. I became the
national goodwill ambassadorof UN women, Pakistan. And now I speak for the
rights of women andchildren. We talk about inclusion, diversity, genderequality
which is a must. I was featured in BBC 100 women for 2015. One of the Forbes 30
under 30 for 2016. And it all didn’t happen alone.
You all are thriving in your
careers. You have bigger dreams and aspirations inlife. Always remember one
thing, on the road tosuccess there is always ‘We’ not ‘Me’. Do not think that
you alone can achieve things. No, there is always another person, who
isstanding behind you, maybe not coming on the forefront, behind you,
supporting you. Never lose that person. Never. No matter how much I say that I
couldn’tfind a hero. so I became one. I still want to recognize those three
peoplein my life who literally changed my life completely and I get inspiration
from them every singleday. The women who believe in me even when I wascompletely
on the verge of dis-pare where everybody left, she was there. And every time, I
looked at her saying. She used to look at me and said, it’s toosell pass. God
has a bigger plan. One day you will say that Oh my God, thatis why God has
chosen me. She never cried in front of me. She always said that there will be
haters,there will be naysayers, there will be disbelievers and there will be
you to proving them wrong. My mother. Whatever I am today, I am nothing
withouther. I am nothing without her. Thank you, mama, I wish you were here.
Thank you for making me, who I am today. You know, what we human being have a
problem. We always expect each from lives. We have this amazing fantasy about
life. This is how things should work. This is my plan. It should go as per my
plan. If that doesn’t happen, we give up. So my dear friends, let me tell you
one thing. I never wanted to be in a wheelchair. Never thought of being in a
wheelchair. I was always aspiring to do bigger things. and I had no idea, for
that, I have to paythe price to be where I am today. It’s a very heavy price.
This life is a test and a trial. Tests are trials. I never supposed to be easy
and why you areexpecting each from lives. And life gives you the lemon. and you
madethe lemonade. and then do not blame for life for that. Because you were
expecting each from a trial. Trial make you a stronger better person. Life is a
trial.
Every time you realize that. It is OK to be scared. It is OK to cry.
Everything is OK. but giving up is not bean option, should not be an option.
They always say that failure is not an option. Failure should be an option.
When you fail, you get up and then you fail,then you get up, that keeps you
going. That’s how humans are strong. A failure is an option. It should be an option.
but giving up is not. Never. We have these things in minds. We call it
perfection. We want everything perfect. We want our self to be perfect. Perfect
life, Perfect relationships, Perfectcareer, Perfect amount of money that we
need to earn no matter what. Nothing is perfect in this world. We all are
perfectly imperfect. And that is perfectly alright. That’s alright! You were
sent here not to become perfect people. Those people who tell you how to look
perfecteven those people are imperfect. Trying to fight this fear of looking
imperfect. I used to be perfect. I still remember I got this complements,
yearsago, when I used to walk. OMG, look at you, you are so fair, you aretall,
you are perfect. Look at me now. Only the perfect eyes can see that. Only the perfect
eyes will see that. Only the perfect eyes will see that. So, Yes. And all those
imperfections you have to listento your hearts. You don’t have to look good for
people. You don’t have to be perfect just becauseother people wanted you to be
perfect. If your soul is perfect from within. That’s all right! This is all
that you want. This is all that you need to be. Our society has made a very
weird, very weirdkind of norms to look perfect in grade. For a man, it’s
different. For a woman, it’s different. We think too much about what people
say. We listen to ourselves too little. You know what makes you perfect. When
you make someone smile. You know what makes you perfect when you tryto do
something good for the people around you. You know what makes you perfect. when
you feel someone’s pain. And how beautiful pain is that it connectswith people.
No other medium can connect you other butpain. That’s why I always say I am in
pain. That’s a blessing for me. Today, just because I am in pain and I amon the
wheelchair, I work for children. Being the head of CSRF of company we
conductmedical camps in far-flung areas of Pakistan where so many kids died
because there theydon’t have medical facilities. And I personally believe that
just becausethey cannot afford to live doesn’t mean that we will let them die.
so we give them money, we give them medicaltreatment. We try to heal their
wounds. Physical and emotional. And I also work for the beautiful people wecall
them third gender. The transgender community of Pakistan. You know, what
connects me with them. All my imperfections. When I go and hug them they never
judge meand this very good friend of mine. Her name is Bijli. Bijli means
electricity. She called herself electricity. And I said are you electricity.
She says ‘no’. I am lighting. I am as strong as lightning. I am thunder. I am
lightning. She came to me and the first time I hugged she said You are justlike
me. And I said I am like you. Because to people, we are so imperfect. So how
beautiful these imperfections are. Because of these imperfections, you can
connectto people then why are we all running after being perfect. What’s the
point? Every time I go in public. I smile. And People asked me, ‘Don’t you get
tiredof smiling all the time’ What’s the secret. I always say one thing. I have
stopped worrying about the things thatI have lost, people I have lost. Things
and people who were meant to be withme are with me. And sometimes somebody’s
absence makes youa better person. Cherish their absence. It always a blessing.
I always say that people are so lucky thateven they don’t realize, you must be
thinking. OK. You are lucky in that sense. Well, the breath you just took now
was a blessing. Embraces it. There are so many people in the world whoare
dreaming to live a life that you are living right now.
You have no idea.
Embraces each and every breath you are taking. Celebrate your life. Live it.
Don’t die before your death. We all die. We live this one routine of the day
for 75years and we call it life. No that’s not life. If you are still thinking
about why you havebeen sent here. If you are still juggling with the conceptof
why you are here, you haven’t lived yet. You work hard. You make money. You do
it for yourself. That’s not life. You go out and seek for people who need
yourhelp. You make their lives better. You add colors to their lives, you add
valuesto their lives. You become that sponge which removes all negativity. You
can become that person who can emit beautifulpositive vibes and when you
realize that you have changed someone’s life. And Because of you, this person
didn’t giveup. That is the day, when you live, Always. We were talking about
gratitude. Why I smile all the time. I cry all night when nobody sees me.
Because I am a human and I have to keep thebalance. And I smiled all day
because I know that ifI smile I can make people smile, that keeps me going. Be
grateful, what you have. And you will always always always ended upwith having
more. But if you will cry, if you will crip forthe little things that you don’t
have or the things you have lost. You will never ever have enough. Sometimes we
are too busy thinking about thethings that we don’t have. Forget. Cherish the
blessings that we have. I am not saying that I am not healthy thatmakes me
unlucky. But Yes, it is hard. It is hard when I say I can’t walk.
It’s hard
when I say I have to wear that bag. It hurts. but I have to keep going. Because
never giving up is the way to live. Always. So well, end my talk, on a very
short note. Live your life fully. Accept the way you are. Be kind to yourself.
Be kind to yourself. I will repeat, Be kind to yourself. and then only we can
be kind to others. Love your self. Spread that love. Life will be hard. There
will be turmoil, there will be trials. But that will only make you stronger.
Never give up. The real happiness does not lie in money orsuccess or fame. I
have all this and I have never wanted this. Real happiness lies in gratitude.
So be grateful and be alive and live in everymoment. Thank you so much,
everyone
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